oh no !!!!!
My entire equilibrium panicked. The well deserved rest, good food and the daily dose of vitamins remained futile…for; nothing helped me to compose myself. To be precise, my mental stability was in turmoil and my writing tempo practically diminished. Retrieving back my mind to a steady flow was not easy. Pages and pages of unfinished work piled up in front of me, which were to be edited and completed. Stress, strain....sadness, depression; all this was the theme of the days, weeks and months and probably years too.............................
Finding reasons were easy; the sudden absence of my dad and years of missing my mother has elated an 'orphaned' feeling in me. The very obvious things of protection and love from those who are there with me, was beyond recognition in my state of mind. I searched for reasons that were not there; dug up reasons of my own. The reality of the situation was hidden behind an invisible glass and I was searching for the epitome of loss. While I had everything God intended, the truth was concealed at the back of blue glass.
Eventually my mind reacted, my body retched violently. As a result rashes erupted from my skin, and the very sympathetic comments of friends and family made me cringe. I shrank myself into a shell, to avoid comments and remedies which flow over to me through anyone and everyone. Blogs and Internet was safest modules to let others know how pretty and enterprising you are, where no one checks the actual truth. Virtual life is the best abode for runaway for writers like me, who are emotionally vulnerable. So I wrote, with a vengeance...........published a few online and media too. The vulnerability and my own empathy paved way for some very powerful subjects and themes which sprouted as much acclaimed articles. The name bellowed respect and the SABG, initials carried weight of recognition.
But none of these temporary remedies to pacify my heart did stop my vulnerable heart from reacting. It reacted, with the utmost straight. My skin reacted......I screamed on top of the voice, for help. I sought some help from endless list of doctors ......but none could pin point the reason for my deterioration. One Doctor from Venezuela, who took me straight to her heart said that I have such beautiful eyes. Momentary relief.............at lease I still have very expressive eyes, not everything is lost as I thought everything to be........relief in itself. At the end of the road, I left it all to the God, to let him choose my fate if he brings me to it, I consoled that He will find a way to save me out this peril too.......But there was someone waiting on the horizon, who was not ready to leave me to destiny. It was a skin Doctor from Trivandrum who came highly recommended by the few bloggers I keep close relationships with. Emails of my history passed on, pictures of my pathetic face and almost bald scalp was sent across to the doctor.He specified the areas of problems, found the key to salvation ....and the key turned.
The Doctor Gpalakrishnan(Skin Specialist)was consulted and he came across some drastic health issues, like exceeded Triglyceride and Glucose levels. With no sympathy the Doctor put the verdict out "your days of good food ends here, from here onwards your life revolves around vegetables and water”. The faster you get accustomed to it the better, for your mind and body.” \My world went upside down. No falooda's and no 'Costa coffee ice cream shakes'. Most of all, my juicy steaks which everyone loves and my tasteful cooking of Kerala food; bathed in pure coconut oil. “No, No”, the Doctor put his foot down vehemently.............”you want to live the rest of your life with your family , then walk 2 hours a day and cut down your intake of food to 1/3 of what you consume now”.
With bent down head and stooped shoulder I walked out of his room, to my home, where another matron of food, my Mother (MIL)….like some food inspector, she was waiting and watching my diet and screening my food with a fine toothed comb.I have heard that some people enjoying diet; but my ordeal was worst than a prisoner. Just 1 chapathy with bitter guard and salads! The ordeal was worst when you are on holidays, where everyone sits around; a table of festivity and yummy gourmet cooked food, and me…. with my forced diet. Anyhow I had to, and I tried with my maximum composure, which paid off. With the result of losing weight in kilos and my glucose level coming back to normal, the panorama changed. The sumptuous food I make while on holidays and showers of compliments I get seems to have perished to land unknown.
The yummy ‘Jilebis’ and sweets I always sink myself into, remained a dream. With my skin and health improved, I remain 40+ and rocking.